...today's the big 33 week mark. I felt my tummy this morning, laying on my back as Isobella awoke from her little slumber, and there were bones, legs, arms, head, butt - just so palpable because I was so relaxed. There is undeniably another little human being inside me - not soft, but fully formed, with feet, and ankles, and little fingers and toes; nails; hair; eyes - eyelashes... She's really in there.
Right now, as I sit here, she's active. She is less bouncy than her sister, but still a very active baby, which is fine with me because I do believe part of Josie's bounciness was caused by my stress.
So, she is coming soon. In many ways I believe that this pregnancy my attitude has been different about bringing home a baby. Last time, the whole way through my biggest fear was losing the baby to a placental abruption - it was almost uncanny, the way it happened. I bought things for Josie, but I did not read about newborn baby behavior; how to change a nappy/diaper; how to bathe her... I knew it would come instinctively if I got to hold her alive at the end of it all. So I read in detail all the way up to the end of my pregnancy: but also knew she would come early.
Well, as it would happen, she did come early, and she did die as a result of an abruption. Do I believe in fate, or that it was "destined" to happen? Nope - I believe that's a load of rubbish (and I do still have to put up with the mindless "well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. God probably wanted her back straightaway and now she's an angel in heaven..." BS) - but, it was uncanny how my intuition didn't allow me to read beyond the birth.
This time, I'm almost all the way through Sheila Kitzinger's "Understanding your Crying Baby" and a number of other early development books. Naturally, one cannot ready everything about a child's development all the way up to 18 before the little one's even born, but I do believe this time, something in telling me I actually need to be prepared to bring an infant home with me.
I got the birth beads sorted out this weekend for my due date club - there are sixteen of us participating and five of us (including me, of course!) wanted their beads pre-strung. So, I spent until about 3.30am on Saturday/Sunday morning making necklaces with beading wire and clasps. It was the first time I'd done anything like that, I am am *fairly* confident in them! People sent some really nice beads. I strung mine with a few others I had around, and the result was thus:
The necklace is very comfortable, so I've been wearing it more or less ever since. Also, I made and decorated little bags for everyone to put their finished necklaces into. They're all done now - I used fabric paint to write a the month and year on the bags. I hope everyone likes them and that nobody who I send a parcel to has to put memories in the bag along with the beads. May all the babies thrive and grow...
I also took a couple of more "arty" pregnancy pictures. One is below:
Last week, we set up the crib...at exactly 32 weeks. Nothing bad has happened yet, which is wonderful! I say that with a shred of irony, since so many say "just in case, " you know? But, I needed to take that plunge. Not acknowledging her was not an option.
Which is why, additionally, we are having a baby shower before she comes. My last baby shower was going to be be October 11th, 2008. We lost Josie in October 10th. We have to be optimistic and we have to celebrate this little life, our little Isobella. Having a baby show will not kill our baby. So, we are going to have one: not that we really need much!
I think that's it for now. I have been trying to videotape her squirming inside my belly, and I think I have a few decent shots of that, so I will make a short video and upload it to OneTrueMedia or something like that - I'll post that later...
Not too much creative, emotional writing today: much too spent being pregnant! But, I'm all about keeping everyone in the loop: so, that's what's been happening with me... Now, over to you...