Saturday, August 8, 2009

Death and bewilderment...

No, no the baby is fine! I'm talking about something else here.

Gosh, what a day today has been - one of those delightful days where nothing's gone quite right, but then nothing's gone completely wrong either: kind of odd! I think I made it better in the end though, by making a couple of decisions.

One, I left a site I've been visiting for almost a year (some of you know me from there I think) - I've disabled my link from that site, so I cannot be accused of being mean about it. I've made some wonderful friends there, none of whom I hope to leave behind so I've sent everyone I can think of a message: the word can get around from there, hopefully. I think I have the right to do that, don't I? You'd think so, wouldn't you - others do not, however.

So here I am, talking on my completely un-moderated blog (apart from by me!) which is wonderful. I can say whatever I like! Most of what I say is meant to be supportive, of course. I have a few opinions here and there - doesn't everyone? Isn't that what gives us our uniqueness? Having thoughts about things? Hmmm...

So that's done with - but my friends are my friends and I will be sending goodies!

There's another site I just can't frequent any more either. Two people there now have chosen to abort babies with Downs Syndrome... Oh my gosh. I cannot imagine wanting to make that decision. I know people with Downs, and to look at them and think "you shouldn't have been born" is just sickening and nonsensical to me. But here we go again today, another amnio, another diagnosis of Downs and another abortion. I hopefully am free to say on this blog that I think that decision is barbaric. I really feel in my gut that it's awful. I've lost a baby and can understand another person terminating for a condition that wouldn't be life compatible but Downs?

It makes me feel sick, the thought of purposefully destroying a life because of a diagnosis of Downs. Heck, there are people - many people - who would adopt a child with Downs deliberately. But to have one killed in the second trimester? I cannot agree. I just cannot. Plus there's a good friend of mine in the same due date club who lost her son to Downs complications last year and to have someone else aborting... Wow, I cannot imagine how she feels every single time she reads one of those posts.

I just don't get taking a little person who's kicking you and who could live, and have a job, have children, everything, so late... How could I feel a little person kick inside me and make a decision to have them destroyed? I just don't understand. Coming from where I'm from, I don't think I can ever understand that.

So, I'm all for political correctness and letting people do whatever, but I can't stay around that energy - it's so black and filled with the promise of a dark future. So I've kinda vacated my due date clubs now. Ah well. I am still due and the life in me is very active, and I am so thankful.

Hopefully though everyone will keep in touch here and on Facebook and on the email - my buddies are the most important people to me. I don't really have time to be dinging about on forums anyway - I'm SO busy with work right now, it's really crazy!

That's it for now. Chugging away, nearly 18 weeks! I will update with a new pregnancy pic on Monday!


Shannon Ryan said...

Ah, Jay... I've thought about leaving too.. and I just may! ;) Due date clubs in general annoy me..all the pettyness (sp?) that goes on there just gets under the skin of 'our kind' when we know how horribly wrong things can REALLY go! I know you'll be missed there, you are such a great support to so many women. Maybe some day we can start our own message board - dedicated to pregnancy loss!
HEY! Your ultrasound is coming soon, isn't it??? Can't wait!!

Jay said...

I was thinking that too - starting a board! I wonder how one does that? I could make the graphics and it could be awesome! And links in siggys WOULD be allowed! :D U/S is a week on Monday! Wahoo! XXX

Jen said...

Hey Jay! You can go to many sites and do free boards. I think proboards is a good one, but I'm not much into web design or any of that so I don't know what they offer.

As to the other, water and a duck's back are what my grandmother would advise :) I, personally, do not understand termination for any reason and would never even contemplate it AGAIN. Yes, I said again. I was told my son would have all sorts of 'issues' and that termination might be best. When I look at that HAPPY, HEALTHY, mischeivious young man who is now 11 and a very intelligent and bright student and child...well, to hell with 'issues.' Don't we ALL have issues?

Lots of hugs, girl. I'm going to favorite your blog and visit you here. I'm horrible at e-mails LOL!

Jen aka boobs4milk

Jay said...

Thanks Jen :) I'm just glad to have somewhere I can update people properly and express opinions without having to be worried about posts being removed and being shut down like a child! *HUGE hugs* XXX

Inanna said...

Yeah, I'm not happy there either... 1984 in 2009 anyone? :x I hear ya. LMK if you start another board, because I'd be... well, on board! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi Jay Jay, it's momoftworedheads (Jen) from mothering. There is a renengade mothering board, a mama from MDC started it a while ago when the moderators kept telling her about her posts. It is a pretty good board, I'll try to find the link to it.

I cannot believe that 2 mamas would abort b/c of Downs, what if the test was wrong???? So sad!
I think of all of us who have had losses who have struggled with TTC, getting pg,staying pg and then bringing home a rainbow baby and to read about these 2 mama would have broken my heart. I am so sorry you had to see that!

Fireflyforever said...


I'm sorry you're going but so understand your reasons for choosing to.

Glad you're still here though :) I'd miss you otherwise ... and I want to hear all about Ms JayJay's Opus!!

Sara/Emerging butterfly said...

I have a good friend who was told that her baby would have Downs...but when her daughter was born, she didn't have a trace of Downs or anything else for that matter...she was perfect...My girlfriend cringes when she thinks of how she was encouraged to abort by her entire family (with the exception of her husband) Good for you for being true to yourself.

Anonymous said...

jay, i just love your posts!!! are you leaving mdc? if so, i will miss you so much!


lost--for--words said...

I'll definately keep following you here. You helped me so much on MDC when I first joined. I'm sorry that you're leaving, but I can understand why. It really bothers me too that we aren't "allowed" to speak our minds... Hugs!

Goo said...


I'm also from MDC (although I just stick to one TTC Thread these days)... and I always lurked for your posts to check up on your rainbow baby. I was getting worried! I'm glad that all is well and that you just left MDC. I'm sorry for the reasons, I also would not and could terminate for any reason whatsoever. I'll be sure to check your blog to keep up on you.



Lachlan's Mum said...

Right after I lost Lachlan, I read so many of your posts on MDC and they have helped me a lot through this difficult time. Thank you for the time that you spend there and for the hope that you've given me. I'm following you here, and am really hoping and wanting for everything to go beautifully with the babe you are carrying.