Oh...I had the most joyous dream last night. Joyous is about the only word I can use to describe it because that is how I felt in the dream.
I cannot remember the last time I felt really joyous - I do know it was over six months ago though. That wonderful feeling where your heart leaps in your chest and your head feels all giddy - it's the most amazing sensation, isn't it? Joy?
So, in my dream there was a baby... She had such dark hard, black really, and I knew she was my daughter. But not Josie. Josie's picture was in my hand - one of my favorite ones, the one where she's laying in H's arms and looks just asleep. Black and white. Not this other little girl, in color and alive with a twinkle in her eye in front of me.
I held my other girl and I felt so much joy in my heart. She looked a little different than Josie - almost more like me, but with differences still. She was growing in my dream. Her hair got longer and remained dark, until toward the end of my dream, which was completely taken up with holding her, it reached over her eyes, shading them a little, and I said "oh, my baby girl!" and laughed at her, and she smiled at me. Oh, she was gorgeous in my dream.
That dream I had to write down, because I tell you, it is the first one I remember since losing Josie that has been truly happy. The very first one! Easter Sunday. Past Ostara, yes, and just two days past the six month mark or losing Josie. Maybe, just maybe, it signals a turning in the tides.
It's about time I began to believe in the significance of dreams, or of anything else, for that matter. I've been down in the underworld for a while. My head is popping out of the soil, now, I think. Perhaps I can raise my earthy arms and pull myself out the rest of the way...